“I’m deaf” – “I’m sorry.” Jeez, what are you sorry about?

Since the first year of college at North Carolina State, I’ve met people who would ask me where I’m from. Most of the time I would play the guessing game, asking those people “Where do you think I’m from?” I’ve heard some pretty wild guesses as to where my origin is, the wildest being Vietnam. Do I look like I’m from Vietnam? I don’t think so. After hearing their guesses I would tell them the truth and explain that I was born profoundly deaf and that I have a cochlear implant. For the most part people would express surprise, saying things such as “Woah you can’t be deaf,” “I don’t believe you, you’re (expletive) me” or “That’s cool dude!” Go figure, its college.

There are the small minority of people who would respond in such a way that would piss me off or annoy me at the least. Those people typically would make comments such as “Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” One recent experience made me realize how some people can be ignorant. This time I was at work and someone asked me where I was from. I responded simply by stating that I was born deaf and explained how I had this “accent.” This person responded in a way that really irked me. I’m not good at remembering what people say verbatim, but the essence of what she said basically goes like this. “Oh I’m so sorry. Congratulations. You’re doing well.”

Daggone. Do you have to be so condescending? This was the latest incident of coming across someone who was just so ignorant about people with hearing loss. Even though I felt a certain sense of annoyance I kept my cool and just nodded when this person made those comments. The interesting thing is that she seems to be the only one who will act differently around me while everyone else treats me normally. All my co-workers and I will share funny jokes and carry on as typical hearing people do. Sometimes I will have to ask them to repeat what they said since it can be quite the loud atmosphere or I wasn’t paying enough attention, but for the most part I understand them all just fine. When I ask her a question about something she just looks at me as if I've got some kind of mental disability and she responds in a way that would make the average person feel diminished.

Perhaps ignorance is the factor in those types of interactions where people just seem to think they have to say “I’m sorry.” I’m sure there are plenty of deaf and hard of hearing adults who have experienced those apologetic reactions. Yet there may be other reasons why they say they’re sorry. For example, they may feel awkward when they learn I have a “disability” and didn’t want to make me feel bad. That seems to be a common reaction for me. Other times people may look back on their previous experience with deaf people and think “oh, he must be special therefore I should apologize.” This type of reaction is the most annoying of all. So daggone annoying I just wanna slap them silly when they do that.

In the end it all seems to be about pity and how people view deafness as a disability that limits one’s quality of life. This could not be any further from the truth. Deafness is something that is a fact of life and many people have embraced theirs, accepting it as part of their own identity. Some even use it as an advantage (especially me when it comes to arguing with my own mum, no matter how unfair that might be). Who knows, maybe those same people will end up having some type of hearing loss themselves?

Don’t give me your pity. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. Keep it for yourself. I’ve never had room for any kind of pity in my life. I'm happy with the way I am.